Me, Myself, and Some Other Stuff

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Hello! \(•◡•)/

Thanks for checking out my page. I am happy to tell you more about glorious old me. If you looked at my pictures and thought, “We can’t hire this guy—he’s too young!” well, you are half right. Technically I have aged since my likeness was captured here. Yet I stand, contrary to the famous Heracles quote, in many rivers simultaneously. I shave my face, I pay my taxes, and I goof off. In fact, I am the king of goofing off. Sometimes that can be serious. I can goof off into the worlds of James Joyce, Virginia Woolf, Oscar Wilde, Gabriel García Márquez, or Preston Sturges. I can goof off into my own film projects, paintings, and random new hobbies (hockey, currently). Or my goofery decides to take form spontaneously. I poke fun at friends, perform bizarre physical comedy, and believe I might be allergic to tomatoes (but only when I’m feeling anxious). Hmmm, do the tomatoes make me anxious? Or was I anxious before eating the tomatoes? Am I trying to blame tomatoes for my problems? Or are they really making my life more difficult? I don’t know—but I can’t stop eating this pizza.